Mentoring FAQ

How is mentoring different than coaching, teaching, etc?

There are a lot of similarities, and you should seek to use all of these skills at times in a development relationship. Here are 3 quick definitions to distinguish between coaching, training, and mentoring:

• Mentoring- empowering another person by sharing your experiences and resources. 
• Coaching- interactions that help the individual being coached to expand awareness, discover solutions and make and implement better decisions. 
• Teaching- instruction from a place of authority on a particular topic

Does mentoring have to be focused on an area, or can we just hang out? 

Any healthy, sustainable growth in our lives requires a certain level of intentionality. At the same time, mentoring must be molded to fit your personality style. Find a healthy balance between a more informal personality style and the need to have a direction in mind. Ask the mentee to come with specific questions. Or, ask the mentee questions to come ready to discuss.

How long should a mentoring relationship last?

Every situation is different. Depending on the need/circumstance, a mentoring relationship can last anywhere from one session to years. The most critical piece of this is to ensure there is some type of defined end date. This gives either of you and “out” in the relationship. From that point, you may decide to go your separate ways or continue the relationship for another set period of time.

To be a mentor, do I have to have things figured out?

The only thing you have to have figured out is that you don’t have things figured out! Your mentoring will come from a place of experience, both good and bad. Sharing from a point of vulnerability could actually increase your clout with a mentee so long as you show intentional growth. Mentor not only from a position of life experience and wisdom, but also from humility and authenticity.

Does a person needs more than one mentor?

Yes...and no. As we grow through life, multiple mentors are necessary to grow in specific areas of our lives. Our advice, though, is to focus on one area of life at a time. You have your entire life to grow. Put all of your energy into being mentored by one person at a time. This will help to ensure your growth is laser-focused.

Do others have to consider me a mentor for mentoring to happen?

It’s not that people have to call you a “mentor” and understand the definition. They need to see you as an authentic person who models Christ in their everyday living. In addition, they need to give you permission to speak into their lives. That’s mentoring.

What are some good books for mentoring?

For 1-on-1 mentoring, we would recommend the following:

• Becoming a Woman of Influence, by Carol Kent
• Mentoring, by Tim Elmore 
• Connecting, by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton 
• Spiritual Mentoring, by Keith Anderson and Randy Reese

For group mentoring, we would recommend the following:

• Mentor Like Jesus, by Regi Campbell

How about group mentoring, is that possible?

Yes! Group mentoring is a fantastic model to walk 2 or more people through the same material/topic. If you’ve built relationships with people who are going through the same circumstances or growth season, pull them together for mentoring. Most of the time, there would be no reason to do the same thing over multiple times.

What qualities make a good mentee?

The desire to grow in the first place is a foundational quality of someone desiring to be mentored. In our experience, the best mentees exhibit:

• Vulnerability- the ability to share openly 
• Commitment- the integrity to follow through on action steps 
• Willingness- the passion to change, grow, and be held accountable

What if someone I’m mentoring isn’t ready to change?

Many people come out of the gates quickly with excitement to be mentored. The struggle sometimes comes in people following through with the commitment- showing up to meetings, finishing agreed-upon action steps, etc. As a mentor, you cannot cause people to grow; they have to initiate and follow through. You can only be responsible for encouraging, sharing wisdom, and directing them.

Where does mentoring happen?

Mentoring is more than a program; it’s a lifestyle. While there is an intentional relationship known as mentoring, God has wired you and gifted you to influence people’s lives everyday. In addition, mentoring can physically take place anywhere. In a mentoring relationship, be aware of the topics you will be discussing and adjust your setting. If it is a serious focus, you may want to consider meeting in a more private location.

What difference does age play in the mentoring process?

Most mentors tend to be older than those they are mentoring. This is natural due to the life experience that is typically passed on. However, depending on the focus of mentoring, sometimes mentors can be a few years younger than the protege.

Can a man mentor a woman, or vice versa?

In the business world, this can be a practice seen often. Within our sphere, though, there is little wisdom found in this model. We desire to live above reproach and do whatever it takes to ensure the integrity of our ministry. This should especially never happen with anyone who is married.

What role does accountability play in a mentoring relationship?

Mentors have a built-in responsibility to hold their mentees accountable. The relationship itself assumes a certain level of accountability to action steps, spiritual intensity, etc. Now, there is one thing you cannot be accountable to as a mentor- the success of the mentee. The responsibility for actually accomplishing any plans set forth falls solely on the mentee.